Believe In Me
by CarolynStoddardMoretz
Summary: When Natalia Reid has a meltdown during the concert she's waited her whole life to see and decides it's too overwhelming for her, she decides to do something she's been thinking of for years. End her life. When Alexa finds her and calls the guys to sit with her until the paramedics show up, Logan makes a promise that every will be okay and that she's not alone anymore.
1. Chapter 1

Introduction

My everyday life always starts out and ends in the same way. There are never any changes, and I don't think there will ever be. I wake up in the morning and have to deal with my abusive father and hung over mother, then I go to the bus stop to deal with rude kids who make fun of my wardrobe.

Throughout the day, the bullies can change and the insults can differ, but when I get home it's the same as it was this morning. My mother never puts down a bottle and my father never stops raising his hands at my siblings and me.

So I lock myself in my room and I cry, and I cut, and then I think of starving myself; for I don't wish to live another day in this hell. There are four beautiful angels I believe that God sent to me to keep me safe and save me from myself, but I'll never know them in person.

Their voices are angelic and their features gorgeous; their names are Kendall, James, Carlos, and Logan, and they together are known as Big Time Rush. Most people like to make fun of me for being eighteen and watching their show or listening to their music, and I admit that I does hurt, but I still love them no matter what happens to me for it.

Today was one of the worst days I've had in a while, but I don't wish to speak of it. All I will say is that something terrible happen, something I wish to never even remember again a day in my life, but regret knowing that I'll never forget it.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow though, I'm just afraid that today's previous events will find a way to ruin it. Tomorrow I'm going to see Big Time Rush in concert, and even though my tickets are just for the lawn, I'm going to have a blast no matter what.

I'm going to wear my dark skinny jeans, my black and white striped, long-sleeved shirt, and my checkerboard Vans; an outfit that covered my body. I had too many scars that I could show off, and I didn't want anyone to say a thing about them.

I lay down in my bed and pull the covers up close to me. Tomorrow, that's all I could think about. The thoughts of seeing them in real life no matter how far away I was were racing through my head, and depriving me of sleep. I spent most of the night staring at the ceiling and listening to the crickets outside.

**A/N: Hey everyone! I know it's been a while since I've updated or posted anything, so here you go. This is the short introduction to a new story I'm currently working on titled "Believe In Me" Title based off the song by Demi Lovato. I apologize for the short lengths of the chapters to come. Please enjoy. **


	2. Slow Morning, Or Afternoon I Guess

**Chapter 1**

_Make it count, play it straight,_

_Don't look back don't hesitate. _

_When you go big time. _

_What you want, what you feel,_

_Never quit, make it real. Gotta_

_Go big time. Hey, Hey! Listen _

_To your heart now. Hey! Hey!_

_Don't you feel the rush? _

Music blasting from my phone woke me up; I had set "Big Time Rush" by Big Time Rush as an alarm to wake up. I turned the alarm off and sat up, groggily rubbing my eyes and yawning a bit. Today was the big day after almost five years of watching them on TV that I was finally going to see them live.

I sat there for a little while, my back resting on the wall as I stared at nothing in particular. "Today," I said taking a deep breath and sighing. I slowly got out of bed and quietly crept to my bedroom door and put my ear up to make sure my parents were still asleep or not home.

I didn't hear anything, no yelling or screaming, the TV wasn't even on. I left the room and went to check on my younger sisters who were still sleeping in their beds and my mother who was sleeping off a hangover. My dad was probably at work right now, which was a good thing.

I made myself breakfast, a bowl of Lucky Charms, and went to the office to get on Twitter. I was scrolling through my feed, mostly things I didn't want to know about had been tweeted last night while I was sleeping; there were things like "Big Time Rush is over" and "What am I going to do with my life? #BigTimeDreams" and then my personal "favorite" and most popular: " HeffronDrive 1LoganHenderson JamesMaslow TheCarlosPena I don't know what I'm going to do without you guys:("

I quickly logged out. I didn't need to be reminded of what I had just watched the previous night. Big Time Dreams was the end of the show, and I didn't need that. I felt sick, scared, and alone after the episode was over, and I found it hard to even be a little excited for the concert tonight. Yet, I still feel excited and nervous.

Currently it's 11:00 AM and I have the whole day until the concert. I'm done with social media, I won't be able to handle myself. I finished eating and then went back into the kitchen to rinse out my bowl and I left it in the sink. I went back to my room and got my wardrobe for the day, then headed to the bathroom for a shower.

I slipped out of my pajamas and stepped into the shower. I closed my eyes as the hot water ran down my unclothed body relaxing me and momentarily keeping my mind off of the things I had just read. I winced, though, as the water hit some of my fresher cuts on my arms and legs. A tear escaped one of my eyes as the pain shot through me.

I feel so stupid sometimes for what I've done to myself, I feel ashamed for it-but I can't help it sometimes, it's my only way out of worse pain. I continued to stand under the water for a few minutes before I grabbed my shampoo.

When I was done with my shower, feeling clean and satisfied, I turned off the water and stepped out. I quickly dried off and put my clothes on. I dabbed my long dark hair dry and put the towel on the rack behind me. The time is now 1:30 PM, the concert starts at 7:00 PM and I live about ten minutes away from the venue.

What am I going to do for the next five hours? I opened the bathroom door, turned off the light, and went back into my bedroom to lie down for a while. I wasn't going to be able to function if I didn't get more rest, and since I just took a hot shower, I would be able to fall asleep easily.

I climbed back into bed and got under the covers. I searched through the music on my phone and found a song to help me fall asleep. "You're Not Alone" has always helped me feel better when I was down, and since I needed rest and time away from my thoughts, I put it on and fell asleep.


	3. Footsteps

**Chapter 2**

I awoke on my own, the sun was lower in the sky, and I wondered to myself how long I had been asleep. I hit the home button on my iPhone to see the time- 5:45 PM. I've been asleep for a while, and I plan on leaving at 6:30 PM to get to the show in time.

Maybe I could leave a little earlier, go get some coffee or something. I got up and brushed my hair, grabbed my purse making sure I had my phone and my wallet, and left the house. My sisters were awake watching TV and cooking dinner.

"Bye Katelyn," I said poking my head in the kitchen at my sixteen-year-old sister.

Katelyn with her beautiful blond hair and sparkling smile turned around and said, "Bye! Have fun Nat!" She turned back to the stove and focused on what she was cooking, it smelled like stir fry. I left the kitchen and walked down the hall to the living room.

My fourteen year old sister Ciara sat watching SpongeBob. It was a joy to see her laugh know that she was happier than I was. "Bye baby girl," I said poking my head in the door. I flashed a smile and waved as I intended to take my leave.

"Bye!" she said getting up from her spot on the couch and running towards me. I gave her a hug and laughed at her excitement to give me a hug before I left. "Have fun and take pictures for me!" she said as she stepped back to reveal a sparkle of joy, and enthusiasm in her eyes.

"I will," I said as I walked to the front door. I decided not to drive and to walk instead, I wasn't far at all from the venue. I stepped into the warms sunlight and let it hit my face. A smile spread as I breathed in the fresh air; that's another thing, I like to seclude myself to my room.

I began to walk down the driveway of the battered and worn house that I called home, and to the venue. The pavilion was a ten minute walk, enough time to clear my head and try to prepare myself for this evening.

I took notice of my surroundings: the trees blowing in the cool Texas breeze, the kids running around and laughing, the couples holding hands and kissing one another, and I thought to myself, 'It's all so beautiful. Why can't I have that happiness?'

I always wished I could have a lasting and loving relationship, but every guy that I've ever dated has only ever used me for various things that they wanted. After the many broken relationships I've had, I finally decided that love wasn't worth it. The thoughts of that brought me slightly down, but I forced it out of mind.

I wasn't going to let anything ruin tonight. If that meant going through physical and or emotional pain to be able to sit there on the lawn and watch the show happily, then that's what would happen. I was going to have fun, I was going to enjoy myself.

I stopped at a stop sign that led out of my neighborhood and into the main road. I made sure that there were no cars, then I ran across the street to the shopping center. I went inside Starbucks and ordered my usual, a Carmel cappuccino. I exited the building and continued across the parking lot while sipping my coffee.

I saw a line of cars on the next road, traffic backed up from the mall entrances and the pavilion most likely. I kept my pace and continued to walk, every now and then stopping for a car to go by, and eventually made it to the outside of the venue.

I threw the cup that contained a half drunken coffee into a trash can and handed my ticket the guy at the gate. He checked through my purse and then let me in. I didn't waste time with buying apparel or refreshments, I just went to find a spot on the lawn.

It wasn't easy finding a spot with all the people there, but I found one that was relatively close to the front of the lawn and to the covered part of the pavilion. I sat down and pulled out my phone, the time is now 6:33 PM, the show starts at 7:00 PM.

Two girls a couple years younger than I am sat near me. "Hey!" they said. They were around Katelyn's age, 15 and 16 years old. They were adorable. "Excited for the show?" one of them asked me. I nodded with a smile. "This is my first concert, I'm so pumped!" the other one said.

"Honestly, this is my first concert too," I said. "I'm Natalia, you girls are?"

"I'm Jessy," the first one said.

"I'm Jade," the second replied.

"Are you twins?" I asked curiously as I noticed the striking resemblance between them.

"Yes," the said in unison.

"Well, ya'll are adorable," I said smiling.

"Thank you," they said again in unison.

"So how long have you been Rushers?"

"Since 2009," Jessy replied. "What about you?"

"The same," I said. I turned back to my phone and opened up Instagram. "Do you girls want to take a pic for Instagram?" I asked opening the camera.

"Sure!" Jessy said.

"Can we tag our users?" Jade asked.

"Sure," I said. We got close together and took a picture together. I captioned the pic with "At the Big Time Rush concert! Met some awesome #Rushers! Go follow them." I paused the typing for a moment, "What's your usernames?" I asked.

" TwinJessyXOXO," Jessy replied. I typed it in and looked to Jade.

She laughed a little before replying with, " TwinJadeXOXO."

I finished typing and now the picture was posted. We talked for a little while longer and then Jackson came out on stage. Jackson Guthy, he was new to music and this tour will be good for him. He's quite talented, I think he'll go far.

I was satisfied with my current mindset, I wasn't feeling sick or worthless at the moment. I was actually having a good time and laughing and smiling for the first time in a long time. I even got up and danced a little bit.

Jackson finished his set and Olivia Somerlyn came on stage for hers. This was her first tour ever, and she had said in an interview I watched that she was nervous but excited. She did pretty well, I like her voice. At the end of her set she announced that she and Jackson were doing free meet and greets at the very end of the show.

I was thinking about stopping by Olivia's tent for a picture and to tell her how awesome her set was. Then Victoria Justice came out, and I started scream singing to BFB. I was having a blast now. Dancing, singing, and taking pictures.

Even though I was sitting on the lawn, I had taken some kick-ass awesome pictures for Instagram; I hashtaged the pics and had gotten tons of likes on them. I love my Instagram, it's amazing. Victoria was now covering the song "I Love It" by Icona Pop, and I decided to stand up and jump around and dance.

A few songs later she was saying, "Good night Houston!" and I found myself sitting back down. This was it. Everyone had performed except for the four guys I had come to see. I started to feel a small twist of nervousness in the pit of my stomach.

I was scared to see them, honestly I was; I didn't want the show to be over. I knew that after the last song, they would leave, and they wouldn't know who I was and they would never know who I was. I didn't have a shot of being the WWG, and I didn't have a shot of surviving tonight.

The boys came out on stage and started signing "24/Seven" I tried my best to smile and sing along, but I got scared and started to sick. Suddenly everything changed. Everything that anyone had ever told me that was negative popped into my head including the time my mother told me that BTR was a worthless piece of shit excuse for a band and that they would never love me.

I quickly got up from my spot and ran down the steps to the concessions area of the pavilion. I saw a counter that nobody was currently working and casually walked over to it. I took a plastic wrapped plastic knife from the bucket of utensils and stuffed it into my purse.

I couldn't do this. I don't know why I thought I could. I love them so much, and it hurts knowing that they'll never love me back. It hurts knowing that they'll never even know I exist. I went into the bathroom intending on just making a cut or two to make the thoughts go away and focus on the pain I've caused myself.

The dark tiled bathroom was dimly lit. I walked along the long row of stalls and stopped at the end. I opened the door and leaned against the tiled wall. The coldness of it shocked me and sent a chill down my spine. I stood there for a moment, and breathed deeply in and out.

I could still hear the concert from in here, there were singing "Amazing" right now. My breathing changed from steady to staggered and I slid down the wall to the floor. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head in my lap as I began to cry. This is why my parents call me an emotionally unstable freak.

My sobs wouldn't stop, two more songs had passed. I heard them playing a game of rock paper scissors, must be time for "Worldwide." The song began and I heard them start singing. "I can't do this," I said to myself. "I can't do this anymore."

I hastily searched through my bag for the knife I had taken from the concession stand earlier. I sighed and rolled up the sleeve on my left arm. It was a plastic knife, which meant it was going to be hard to cut deep enough into vain in my wrist; I was still going to try.

A few tears escaped my eyes as I dug the piece of plastic deep into my skin. I gasped in pain as I started to drag the knife down the major vain. Blood began to gush down my arm in a mess, and the pain became too much to bear. I took the knife and chunked it at the wall in front of me.

I fell from my sitting position and lie on the cold floor letting the blood drip from the freshly made cut. I was prepared to die. Right here. Right now. I was prepared to die all alone. Or at least I thought that I was all alone.

As the time went by, and the blood loss became great, I became delirous. I lost track of time, and my senses grew dim. I was nearing the end, I could tell. I couldn't tell if the music had stopped or not. I couldn't hear anything but the slowing beating of my heart. My sobs continued.

Then out of nowhere I heard footsteps. They were coming closer, closer, closer. It was loud, almost like thunder. The door to the stall creaked open and I saw a dim figure of a blond girl. The last thing I remember was a scream, and then comforting words, "Everything is going to okay sweetheart, just hold on."


	4. The True Beginning of Hell on Earth

**Chapter 3**

I lay there in a delirious state. A girl who looked to be in twenties with blond hair was sitting against the wall holding me in one arm and on the phone in the other. "Carlos, just hurry please!" I heard her sob on the phone. "Okay-" the other person must be talking, "I already did-" another pause.

"Okay, okay. Yes, by the gates. I'll see all of you soon? Bye, I love you," I heard her say. She hung up her phone. What was going on? I looked at her with pleading eyes, feeling confused and weak. "Everything is going to be," she said.

"Alexa!" I heard a male voice call.

"In here Los!" she called back.

The man stopped dead in his tracks. He looked afraid, and a little sad, "What happened?" he asked.

"I don't know, I think she did this to herself," the girl named Alexa replied. Alexa? Why was that so familiar sounding? "I thought it would do her some good if you guys stayed with her until the paramedics got here," she said.

A second man had now appeared in the door way to the stall. Great choice Natalia, pick the handicap one that can fit ten fucking people! The man had dirty blond hair, I think his eyes were green, and he looked sad. "I-Is she a Rusher?" he asked holding back tears.

"Yeah," Alexa sighed. "I know it's rude but I went through her phone to try and find out something about her."

"No, it's alright. You meant well," Said the one I assumed as Carlos or 'Los'.

The two guys entered and sat down next to Alexa and me. "May I?" the one with dirty blond hair asked Alexa. She nodded. He took me into his arms and held me close, "Why'd you do covergirl? You're so beautiful," he said with tears.

His voice sounded familiar, but I couldn't place a name to it. In fact I couldn't place a name to anyone here except for the ones that I'd heard being said aloud. Since the one that was holding me had said those words, I heard two other voices added to the chaos.

I wanted to say something, but I didn't know if I could. I struggled to find my voice, "W-what's going on?" I said weakly. They all seemed a little shocked that I found my voice. "W-who are you?" I said.

"My name is Kendall," the one that was holding me said. "That's Alexa, and that's Carlos," he said pointing to the blond girl and Hispanic guy that were cuddling each other.

A really tall guy walked towards us and crouched down where I could see him, "I'm James," he said with a weak smile. Kendall, Carlos, Alexa, and James? What? If this is really happening that I wish I would just die right now.

There's only one name left and-my thoughts were interrupted by a familiar sounding, angelic voice, "I'm Logan," I heard. Logan. That was it. My life was over. I was being rescued from my suicide attempt by my idols.

I wasn't able to keep still in Kendall's hold, mainly because of the way I was feeling. Everything spinning, I felt like I was shaking, and I stirred and squirmed in Kendall's arms. My breathing had become more rapid since they'd give me their names I'd realized who they were.

"Relax sweetheart, everything will okay," I heard Carlos say. I saw Alexa with my phone, but I didn't let her see that I knew. I was okay with her going through it; all I had was stuff from Instagram and things about the guys. She mumbled something to Carlos. "Kendall," he said.

"Yeah?"

"Let Logan hold her, she stays for him, maybe he can calm her down," Carlos said.

"That's a good idea," Kendall said. Logan sat next to Kendall in the corner of the stall. Kendall gently passed me over to him, he gladly took me in his arms. His big brown eyes were more beautiful than I ever imagined they would be.

"I found out her name is Natalia," Alexa said.

"That's such a pretty name," Logan remarked in a quiet voice; I think he meant for only me to hear. I looked up at Logan who's lap I was lying in. He supported my head with right arm and held my hand with his left hand. "What happened?" he asked me.

"I-I do this all the time…" I said in a voice that wasn't anything above a whisper. He took notice of all the scars that lined my arm; I thought I saw a tear escape his eye. "I-I-I'm sorry…" I said my tears now coming back.

I winced in pain at a sudden pressure on my wrist. Logan took notice, "Sorry Natalia," he said. "I want the bleeding to stop." He was trying to stop it? With my other arm I pulled myself a little closer to him and he got the message. Logan held me tighter. I closed my eyes unable to stop the heavy feeling of them falling shut.

I heard panicked voices now. I wanted to say, "It's okay, I'm going in peace," because that's how I felt. I felt safe, relaxed, and happy in Logan's hold. I was ready to die, right here. Right now. I was ready to die in Logan's arms. "Please stay with me Natalia," I heard him plead. "Please," he sobbed.

I heard James yelling, probably getting someone's attention. "In here he said from outside the stall door. I heard rushed and panicked voices yet again. I felt like I was being lifted. Wait! –Where's Logan? I didn't feel at peace any more.

I felt like I was being moved somewhere, and the last think I heard before I blacked out for good was the sound of sirens. Loud, obnoxious. This wasn't peaceful. This wasn't the end of hell, it was only the beginning. Why was I so stupid? I'm going to a hospital. Why did people care about saving my life? I didn't think it was worth it.


	5. Much Needed RestI Think I'm In Love

**Chapter 4**

I opened my eyes but immediately shut them. A bright white light shocked me. "What is that?" I asked annoyed. I heard an incisive beeping that was getting on my nerves. I tried to open my eyes again and blinked a few times so that I could adjust to the light.

"Thank god you're okay," I heard my sister Katelyn say. She was sitting in a chair next to the hospital bed that I lay in. "I was worried sick!" she said.

"Calm down Kate! She just woke up!" I heard Ciara say.

"Both of you keep your voices down please," said a Doctor who had just walked into the room. "Hello Natalia, I'm Dr. Chaffman. How are you feeling?"

"Weak, confused, lonely…" I said. I suddenly remembered something. "Where is he?" I asked in reference to Logan. He probably had to leave for the next stop.

"Mr. Henderson refused to leave because he wanted to see you, he's in the waiting room," Dr. Chaffman informed me. My heart skipped a beat at the news he gave me, and it showed up on the monitor. Dr. Chaffman smiled a bit when he saw what the news about Logan did to me. "Would you like to see him?"

I nodded. He checked my vitals and wrote some things down on his clipboard before leaving the room. My sisters soon left promising that they'd be back but that they wanted something to eat. I lay there wondering what time it was. Alexa must've found me around 11:00 something.

I was finally getting used to the beeping, and used the abnormal quietness around me despite it. Logan walked into the room looking worried and tired. When he saw that I was awake he ran to me and hugged me, "I'm so glad you're okay," he said into my hair.

"How come you stayed? Don't you have to make it to Dallas?" I asked.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," he said. "I don't know what I would've done if what you intended happened Natalia. You may be one of millions of Rushers we have, but I still love you no matter what. You've got to remember that, okay?"

"I've got nothing left but you guys," I said quietly. "And you'll eventually leave, and I-I'll be alone," I told him. I took a deep breath before I continued, "I don't see how the world would suffer any if I wasn't here."

"I wouldn't go out on stage and preform," Logan said. "I would sit and wonder to myself how I could've helped you. I would have been dead to the world and living in my thoughts if you had died tonight. You don't know how much each and every one of you means to us."

"You don't know what you mean to me…" I said hoping that he didn't hear.

"If I mean so much to you, then promise me you'll never cut again," he said sounding serious. I was scared of the tone he used; Logan never seemed like a guy who could be mean or strict. He noticed by the look in my eyes that he had scared me. "Please Natalia," he said with a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling.

"I'll try," I said. My voice is small and words are fragile. "But really, aren't you going to get in trouble for staying in Houston so long while on the tour? You guys have a schedule to keep."

"We'll be fine," Logan replied. We'll? I looked at him with questioning eyes. "The others are here," he said with a smile.

"Is Alexa?" I asked almost immediately.

"Yeah."

"I want to see her." I had to thank her.

"I'll go get her," Logan said. Before he left he placed a kiss on my forehead; and just like that, he walked out the door to go find Alexa. His touch lingered for a minute, as if I could still feel his lips there. What was this feeling I was getting while he was here? I can't be in love, love doesn't exist.

Not long after he left, Alexa walked in. "I'm so glad you're okay," she said with a smile on her face. She walked over to the chair that my sister was sitting in earlier and sat down. Alexa took hold of my hand.

"Thank you," I said almost in tears. "I've made some pretty stupid mistakes in my life, that topping as the worst one yet."

She gently squeezed my hand, "It was," she replied, "But everything happens for a reason, and I think that we were supposed to meet you one way or another. You're just so precious," Alexa's kind words soothed me and I felt my eyes fluttering shut. I fought to keep them open.

"Tired?" she asked me.

"Uh-hu," I replied sleepily.

"I wouldn't expect anything less, you've had a big night. I'll let you get some rest."

"Alexa?" I said as she was getting up to leave.

"Hm?" She said as she turned back and walked over to me, placing her hand on top of mine.

"Really, thank you," I said.

"You're welcome Natalia," she said with a smile. She walked out of the room leaving me to rest some more. She was never going to know how grateful I was for what she did.

***Logan's POV* **

I sat in the waiting room with the guys. Because of rumors about us, we usually don't do this in public, but I currently rested my head on Kendall's shoulder. I could keep myself upright. I didn't even know this girl, and she was sending butterflies through my stomach.

My eyes felt heavy but I forced myself to keep them open. I couldn't fall asleep, at any moment something could go wrong. I wanted to there for Natalia if she needed me, and I could afford to lose a waking moment.

Through my tired eyes I saw Alexa walking towards us and taking her pervious place in Carlos' lap. My head bolted upright and I faced her. "She's asleep right now Logan," she said. I sighed. "That's something you should probably be doing."

"I can't, I'm too worried," I told her lying my head back down.

"Talk some sense into him Kendall, he obviously won't listen to me," Alexa said moving her gave from me to Kendall. Kendall nodded, he was half asleep too. In fact everyone besides me had been sleeping in these chairs at some point. James was currently asleep, Carlos had just woken up, and Kendall was dozing off.

I was still fighting to keep my eyes open, "Logan," I heard Kendall say. "Just go to sleep, she'll be fine," his voice was distant like he was falling asleep too.

"I can't," I said. "I have to stay awake for her."

"If she knew that you were depriving yourself of rest for her then she'd be telling you the exact same thing," he replied.

"I know, okay! I-I just-I don't know…" I was scared. I didn't want to lose her.

"What's wrong Logie Bear?" Kendall asked.

"I'm scared that if I close my eyes I'll lose her," I said. "I know we don't know each other, but something about her drives me crazy. I mean why do you think I've spent the last hour and half looking frantically through my notifications on Twitter to see if she's ever messaged me?" I was in tears now.

"Shh," I heard Kendall say as he pulled me into a hug, "It'll be alright. You're not going to lose her," he told me. This was why we were best friends, brothers; we always understand each other and we're always here for each other, even though we do get annoying and we do fight.

"I've never felt like this before Kendall! It's tearing me apart-I think I'm in love with this girl."

"And if you love her, you'll do what she'd want you to. Dry up the tears Logan, and relax," he said pulling away and making me look him in the eye. "You're stronger than this."


	6. Going Home

**Chapter 5**

*Back to Natalia's POV*

I woke up and found my phone on the table next to me. I took it and saw that the time was 10:00 AM. I bet Logan was already gone by now. I scrolled through my Instagram notifications; there were over a hundred of them. They were mostly comments, but there were some likes. There were things like "stay strong" and "hang in there" and I was wondering what this was all about.

I went to my profile to see a picture of Logan sitting on the side of my hospital bed, my hand in his. He wasn't looking at the camera, he was looking at me. Right then, I knew that it was my sister who had posted it. Katelyn always does things she knows I wouldn't want her to.

The caption of the picture read, "Please pray for my sister who isn't in a good place right now. She tried to take her own life and I don't even know why, she never told me anything was wrong. This is her in the hospital with our new friend Logan; he's really worried about her. ~Katelyn. #prayfornatalia #rushers #staystrong"

I felt a tear slip down my face as I read the caption of this picture. I thought about deleting it, but I decided that I'd keep it up. Katelyn and Ciara only ever mean well. I love them so much, and I feel really bad for doing this when I know that they need me.

I decided to try to smile and take a picture of myself to post. I captioned it, "I've made some really stupid mistakes in my life. I haven't always let people in, and I haven't always done what's best for me. Look where I am now…I realize that I can't do this to myself, but sometimes it's just so hard not to.

"Some of you may think that I was just trying to get attention, but I really wasn't. I really did want to end my life. But now I know that I really mean something, and you guys have helped me through it as well-thank you for all the encouraging comments on the photo my sister posted. Thank you AlexaVega for finding me last night and making sure I was alright; I really do owe you my life.

"I am so, so sorry for all I've done. I hope you can forgive me. ~Natalia. #tryingtostaystrong #weallhaveourscars #ijustwantobelieveinme" I pushed the check mark button and uploaded the photo. Within the next few minutes I got likes, replies, and followers. I even got a reply from Alexa. It said, "Check your contacts;)"

I was puzzled and confused for a moment, but I closed out Instagram and went to the contacts on my phone. As I was scrolling through it I noticed six new names and numbers that hadn't been there before. The first one I saw was "Alexa(:" I felt myself smile. They gave me their numbers.

I didn't want to sound desperate or needy, but I clicked on the contact that said "Logan3" and typed a message: **Hey, how are you? - Natalia**

Instantly I got a reply: **I'm just fine sweetheart, how do you feel? - xx Logan**

I felt butterflies in my stomach and a flutter in my heart. He's just so amazing I don't know what to do with myself. I stared at the message for a few seconds with a goofy grin and then replied: **I feel little better, thanks****. Where r u guys? – N. **

**Close your eyes;) – L. **

** What? – N. **

** Just do it**** - L. **

I was a bit confused by Logan's command but followed through and closed my eyes anyway. I heard the door open and some footsteps. Again with footsteps. I felt someone place a sweet kiss to my cheek and then heard them say, "You open them now," into my ear. It was Logan.

I opened my eyes to see all of the guys, Alexa, and Dustin standing in the room. "Hey Natalia, how you feeling?" Los asked me with a huge grin on his face. It made me smile.

"Wow Carlos, for one you didn't make a girl cry," I heard James say with a laugh. "By the way, hey Natalia," James said walking up to me and giving me a hug. "I was worried about you," he said as he pulled away.

"Hi James," I said in a weak voice, but with a smile. "And I'm doing better Los," I said looking to him. I didn't have to say a word to Logan, he knew I was happy to see him. I felt him firmly gripping my hand in his like he was afraid to let go. I looked over at him and smiled, he gave my hand a squeeze.

Then Kendall walked up to me and gave me a hug. There was a look in his green eyes that I couldn't place. I didn't know if it was relief, sadness, or fear. "This cover girl did it because she was stupid and didn't listen to her cover guys," I told him referring to when he was holding me after they found me.

"Can you promise me you'll never do it again?" he pleaded looking me in the eyes.

"I can try," I said.

"That's all I can ask of you then," he said leaning down and kissing my forehead in an effort to comfort me, and possibly even himself.

He stepped back and we all just exchanged glances and smiles during an awkward silence. Then I realized there was one person who I really wanted a hug from but didn't get it. "Come here Dustin!" I said holding my arm out as best I could without messing with the IVs.

Dustin walked up to me and gave me a hug, "It's nice to finally meet you," he said with a smile.

"It's nice to finally meet _you_," I said. "I was a fan of yours before Big Time Rush. I loved and still love Heffron Drive," I said smiling.

"Glad to hear," he said with a smile.

"By the way," I said. "How come all of you are still here? I mean don't you have a show tonight in Dallas?"

"We postponed it," Logan said.

"Lover-boy couldn't leave your side," Kendall said with a laugh, playfully punching Logan in the arm.

"You guys didn't have to do that for me," I said. I closed my eyes to stop tears that I felt coming on. I squeezed them tightly shut and I felt my grip on Logan's hand tighten.

"Are you alright Natalia?" Logan asked sitting down next to me. His voice was filled with concern and I felt him caress my softly. He began to play with my hair, and I understood exactly why Kendall called him "lover boy."

I shook my head unable to answer him verbally. I wasn't okay; I didn't understand why they were doing all they were for me. I bet every other Rusher hates me now for a rescheduling of the whole tour. I took deep breaths in and out to try to control my emotions then I said through some quiet sobs, well more like choked out, "When can I go home?"

"The doctor said this afternoon," Logan said with a sweet and understanding voice. Wow, he really did care about me; I just want to know why. I tried to prop myself up but couldn't, so Logan helped me with the buttons on the side of the bed. I scooted over a little and allowed him to sit on the bed with me; mainly because I wanted to cuddle with him. Only a Rusher…

Logan wrapped his arms around me as best he could trying not to mess with my IVs and other things. I lay my head on his shoulder in the crook of his neck and closed my eyes. Everyone was still in the room and they decided to sit in the chairs and on the floors. We all sat in a relaxing sound of silence for a little while and I felt myself drifting off to sleep as I heard Logan quietly humming to the tune of "You're Not Alone."

I don't know what it was about him, but I feel safe with him. I mean I don't even know Logan for god's sake and I already think I'm in love with him. Wait-I already was. I'm so confused and sick at the moment. What type of medication do they have me on? Morphine? Antidepressants? Antipsychotics?

Soon a doctor walked in. It wasn't Dr. Chaffman, it was a female doctor. Her tag said "Dr. Grey" which made me feel like this was a dream because of the whole coincidence with the _Grey's Anatomy _name. I shook my head to rid myself of a dizzy feeling and the thoughts that this might not be real.

She didn't realize how many people were in here, and as she was stepping over people we all couldn't help but laugh. "We all wanted to make sure she was okay," I heard Alexa say.

"That's very nice," Dr. Grey said, "But can I ask you to leave for a little while, while I talk to Natalia?" Everyone got up and left the room except for Logan, which the Dr. didn't seem fazed about; I don't think she cared he was there. Dr. Grey checked my vitals and then began to say, "So Natalia, you can go home now.

"But you need to be careful in a general sense. You're very weak and on strong medications. When you check out the nurse will give you more information on pharmacies and the prescriptions we've prescribed for you. You're very, very lucky you survived this. I'll have a nurse come in and take out these IVs."

With that the doctor left and Logan and I were momentarily alone. "When do you have to leave?" I asked Logan suddenly.

"Honestly, I don't know. Our manager is being very…_understanding_ I guess you could say. He's not rushing us," Logan replied. I found myself giggling at the last part of what he said. "What?" he asked me with a smile.

"You aren't being rushed," I said with a wink.

He rolled his eyes, "Only my Rushers," he said shaking his head.

"Well you have to expect that," I said.

"You're adorable," Logan told me as he started to stretch and get up. Logan went over to the small dresser across the room from the bed and opened the drawer. He pulled out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt; my sisters must've brought me some clothes. A nurse came in and took my IVs out and left me to change clothes.

Logan handed me the clothes and I took them into the bathroom to change. I came out and folded the gown I'd been wearing and left it on the bed. "Are you ready?" Logan asked watching me look around the room in a confused daze. I nod, "Then let's get you out of here," he said taking my hand.

We walked out of the room and to the front desk where we checked out and then out to the parking lot. "How am I getting home?" I asked curiously. "It's too far to walk."

"I rented a car for while we're here," Logan said. "Come on, it's this way," he took my hand and led me across the parking lot. We stopped in front of a Camaro. Logan unlocked it and opened the passenger door for me. I got in and buckled my seatbelt.

"Do you know how to get to my house?" I asked him as he shut the door and put the key in the ignition.

"Yeah, your sister Ciara gave me your address," he said. He pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main street. We were stuck at a red light already. "Do you want to listen to any music?" Logan asked looking at me.

"Driver controls the radio," I said quietly leaning against the window. Logan put a hand on my knee and caressed it with his thumb. I looked over at him and he smiled. I placed my hand in his. He made me feel so much better.

"Alright," he said in a quiet voice and turned on the radio. The volume wasn't loud; the music was more like background music. I think the song that was playing was Justin Timberlake's "Mirrors." We continued our drive to my house.

When we pulled into my driveway I finally spoke for the first time since we'd first left about twenty-five minutes ago. "Where are you staying?" I said in a worried voice.

"The Marriot," he answered turning the car off and opening his door. He got out and ran around the car to open my door for me. "It's not very far from here," he said giving me his hand and helping me out of the car.

"I know, I'm glad you're so close," I said.

Logan and I made or way to the front porch and I hesitantly reached to open the door. "What's wrong?" Logan asked me.

"My parents are home," I say gesturing my head to the driveway ad how Logan had parked next to a beaten up and battered truck. "They hate me," I said.

Logan wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug, "It'll be okay," he said rubbing soothing circles on my back. "I'm here for you and the girls, and I know somehow that we'll get you out of here."

"I worry about Katelyn and Ciara's futures more than mine," I said.

"Which is why we need to find proof enough to get them out of the house legally away from your parents," he said.

"Don't worry, we'll have it. Just wait until you see the inside of my house," I said feeling ashamed. My parents hate me, they hurt the girls, my house is a mess, and I tried to kill myself; why would Logan want to help me? I guess I'm just scared and paranoid about what mom and dad will say about my little stunt.

I opened the door and led Logan inside. I tried to go straight to my room but I felt something take a firm, harsh grasp of the wrist on my hurt arm. I let a scream at the top of my lungs which made Logan jump. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" Logan yelled as he pushed my father against the wall.

"Wrong with me? There's something wrong with that attention seeking bitch! You should've have let her die," I heard him reply. "Money doesn't grow on trees boy, I have to work for a living. Now get the hell out of my house!"

"You have _no _right to talk to me like that! And if you ever touch her or one of the girls again, I swear I'll put your ass in jail!" Logan screamed. Since then I had run into the living room and hid in the doorway. I continued to hear the two of them arguing and a tear fell down my face.

I finally decided I'd heard enough of this. "Dad! Stop it, please just stop fighting!" I said in sobs.

"Shut the fuck up!" he said pointing at me.

"No!" I yelled back. "Just stop this!" He ran towards me and slapped me in the face causing me to lose my balance and hit the wall.

"You bastard!" I heard Logan yell.

"What did you call me?" my dad said turning to him and hitting him in the face. Logan fell to the floor knocked out cold. "Go to your room and don't come out," my dad said turning to me.

"No! What did you do? Why did you hurt him?" I screamed. I dropped to the floor and tended to my fallen angel. Honest to god this went better than I thought it would. I, with the help of Katelyn and Ciara, got Logan to my room. I went into the kitchen and got some alcohol and cotton swabs to clean the blood from his upper lip.

"What happened?" Logan asked trying to sit up.

I pushed him back, "You tried to be my knight in shining armor and got your ass kicked by my drunken dad," I said. His hand reached up to his mouth. "That's going to be sore," I said.

"I thought I was the one who was supposed to take care of _you_," he said.

"We can take care of each other then," I told him.

"Well right now, it's my turn to take care of you," he said. "Why don't you lie down and get some rest darling?" Logan stood up and pulled back the covers. I climbed in bed and pulled the covers close to me. "Do you need anything?"

"Not right now, thank you Logan," I said.

"Alright," he said walking towards my bedroom door.

"Wait," I said.

He turned around, "Yes?"

"Will you lay down with me for a little while?"

"Sure," he said with a warm smile. I pulled the covers back so that he could climb into bed next to me. "Alright, come here," he said with his arms opened wide. I scooted closer to him and lay my head on his chest. He wrapped his arms protectively around me.

"Thank you," I told him again.

"You already said that," he said with a grin.

"I mean it. Thank you for everything. I don't know where my sisters or I would be right now if I'd never known about you. I don't know if I'd be alive without you," I said.

"I wouldn't feel alive without you," Logan said placing a kiss to the top of my head. "I love you," he told me.

"I-I…" I couldn't tell him that I love him back.

"Shh," he said playing with my hair. "Try and rest. Close your eyes," he said. I listened to him and closed my eyes. I found myself wrapping my arm around his torso and snuggling closer into him. Before falling asleep several thoughts went racing through my mind.

Why had I been so brave earlier? I'd never stood up to my dad. It seems that I can be different and what everyone expects of me when something isn't about me. Whenever I think about myself I feel disgusted and afraid. What is wrong with me? Why do I feel this way? Again-what medication do they have me on? And finally I found rest.

Logan who was holding me started humming quietly the tune to one of their songs, but I didn't make out which one it was because I was drifting off to sleep. I'm not sure if I dreamed, everything was a blur. All I know is that after blackness consumed me, I felt a little better.


End file.
